Hidan's pain
by Imag1nat1on
Summary: Hidan is constantly finding new ways to fill the void within him. As the pain caused by the mistakes in his past becomes increasingly present, Hidan needs to find a new approach to his problems.. Main pairing: HidanxKakuzu
1. Pain is good to me

Hidan slowly woke up with a throbbing headache as the sun radiated through the large windows and lit up his muscular body. He looked over to his side where a woman was still sleeping. She was just lying there, exposed, naked, except for the necklace she was wearing. It was his.

The thick scent of cigarette smoke and sweat covered the room and irritated his senses and the partially developed migraine. He decided to leave the necklace with the woman and crawled out of the bed with only one thought: _I have to get out of here_.

The pain was unbearable, yet he was used to it and had almost learnt to appreciate it. _Pain is an indication that you're still alive_, he used to think. While grabbing the last piece of his clothing from the floor he coldly distanced himself from the room and left the building knowing he would never return.

Hidan lived an extremely unhealthy lifestyle trying to fill the void in his body with cigarettes and alcohol. It was almost as if though he planned a slow and painful death. When it came to women he kept his standards low. He didn't want their love and he didn't love them back. After all, he had never really been interested in women. He merely took whatever he could get a hold of in an attempt to temporarily satisfy his needs, to temporarily occupy his mind.

He never let anyone in on his personal life and rarely showed emotion. It was as if though he had become numb. His friends used to try to cheer him up by inviting him to various parties, but he just excused himself claiming he had already made plans. This was seldom the case.

The reason he had moved to another city after the incident was because he did not want to be recognized anymore. His parents had rejected him due to his choice of lifestyle thus they were easy to leave behind. But he even left his friends, who had tried their hardest to support him even though he made it hard for them.

He had always hated the look of pity and compassion in everyone's eyes, treating him like a fragile fucking puppy that had been abused all his life and needed to be fixed. As if though he needed anyone else. He didn't need them! He didn't need their pity. He didn't need to be fixed. He hated being seen as weak, and that's what they did. They looked at him and saw someone weak, fragile, someone in need of help. It's just that he didn't need it.

Instead he craved anonymity, something he had come to cherish higher than anything else. By moving away from his parents trying to seek a new home in another town, he made sure he would never be seen as weak again.

No one had been able to break the façade covering the suppressed emotions and memories of his past. He was homeless and travelled from bed to bed, meeting new people, mostly women, everyday, yet no one had been able to reveal what was hiding under Hidan's hard surface. Not even the woman from last night, who was merely one of many. He still somehow regretted his choice to leave the necklace with her. After all it was valuable, and a sign of his dedication to his precious religion.

The religion was the only thing he had not broken free from when he moved two years ago. It was his only connection to his past and the necklace had been his only possession from that time. _That_ time…

As he walks down the street determinately increasing the distance between himself and his latest conquest, more importantly his necklace, Hidan finds himself caught up in a flashback.

_The door slammed behind Hidan as he came rushing into his loved one's apartment, which he had recently been given the key to. Kakuzu meets Hidan's bruised eyes as the latter ends up standing before him with an expression of pain in his pale face._

"_Fuck Kuzu…." Hidan almost collapses as he begins to share what had just happened to him._

" _I came home today and dad had been drinking again and he came on to me about all this bullshit about you being filthy and bringing me down with you and shit. He told me to stop seeing you or else he'd kick me out. When I refused he went mental! He literally fucking grabbed me by the arm and fucking ---"_

_Hidan was hushed by Kakuzu and they met up in a long, loving hug where the latter caressed the bruised skin of the first._

"_You are so beautiful Hidan. I know you are upset about your parents not accepting us and your dad seriously deserves a fucking beating, yet I am so glad that you decided to stay with me. We will make this work.. together.."_

_No more words needed to be uttered as they both looked at each other and felt comforted by the other's mere presence._

As Hidan finds himself outside on of the bars he has become so familiar with the last two years he forces away the flashback. _Hell, I decided never to bring this up again. _Yet, the images of him holding Kakuzu close becomes increasingly present. He decides to take a shortcut out of his haunting thoughts and enters the bar. He was ready for another night that would make him forget, and cause him a heavy headache the next physical pain was worth it.

The physical pain was good to him...

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**So next chapter will probably contain attempted mature content… I mean Hidan ended up Somewhere, right?  
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**Review please, as said I'm new to this so Any words of advice will be helpful!**


	2. A painful awakening

**I hope this chapter will make sense. I found it really hard to mix in flashbacks in real life. Remember to review to help me get better!**

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His fingers were buried in her Auburn hair as support. Her teeth found themselves into his flesh and the blur covering his eyes thickened. _Damn it feels good…_

Despite, and maybe because, the large amount of alcohol he had consumed, the painful flashbacks were returning. The woman's face had earlier been somewhat blurry due to the alcohol, but it was now clearing up.. except that it wasn't her face that was appearing..

"_I love what you do to me.."_

_No way.. not now, _he thought, while trying to repell the images. As to desperately remove the images of Kakuzu's bodily features caressing his body and licking his length, he pushed the woman off of him.

"Hey what are you doing!", she exclaimed. But what Hidan really heard and saw was:

"_Don't be such a tease Hidan…" Kakuzu uttered, followed by a sneaky smirk on his face. "I know how to treat boys like you.." Kakuzu forcefully grabbed Hidan's arms and tied them to the bed. "Kakuzu.. no…" _

The woman with a surprised look on her face.. "Kakuzu? Fine, call me whatever you want.."

After having tied Hidan to the bed, she once again allowed him to enter her mouth, attempting to evoke a pleasured expression on his face. When she finally succeeded she was even more motivated to please the man, in order for him to want to treat her the same way afterwards.

_In the meantime, Hidan's flashbacks continued against his will.. (at least initially). Unable to move his arms, Hidan turned and twisted his body trying to escape the firm grip of his lover._

"_It wont work.. I'm stronger than you remember?" Kakuzu smiled._

Hidan now began to give in to the flashbacks. He allowed Kakuzu to penetrate his mind as he had done back then as well. He remembered every kiss, every touch and every word from the first time they had made love and he allowed it to play like a movie in his mind, distancing him from the action in which he was really participating.

He remembered the sensation of feeling Kakuzu for the first time. He remembered every second of it.. the excruciating pain of Kakuzu's width making its way into him.. only to seconds later turn into the best fucking feeling in the whole world. He had always enjoyed it when Kakuzu caused him pain on purpose like that.

The last image of the memory was now showing in his mind. Kakuzu had just filled his lover, and pulled out leaving the tied up Hidan longing to be touched, longing to get to climax as well. Longing to feel Kakuzu's firm grip over his length yet again..

Aware of this longing, and knowing that Hidan's hands were still tied, Kakuzu had no intention to help Hidan climax. He only uttered a few words, before leaving the room with a satisfied smile on his face. Hidan remembered his words exactly..

"_That's what you get for being a tease.."_

_Damn.. Kakuzu always knows the best ways to punish me_, was the last thought in Hidan's flashback.

As the flashback had now ended, Hidan was forced to return to present time again. He was surprised to discover that the woman was now in front of him instead of Kakuzu, and that she had tied him to the bed. Seeing her caressing him made him snap as he realized that he had just been in a dream-like state, being pleasured by the man he loathes. He had even turned out to enjoy the treatment!

He was now everything but in the mood for sex. The anger was raging in his body. As in trance he was now entering and leaving her mouth as if he could pound the images out of his mind by trying to become evermore present in the act.

_FUCK!!! _

In difference to the dream he had just had, his enraged body was now allowed to climax.. leaving the woman with excitement in her eyes and under the impression that it was finally her turn.

"FUCK WOMAN!! GET OFF OF ME ALREADY!!"

She hesitated not knowing what he meant. Did he want her to get off because it was her turn to be pleasured now?

"WHAT DON'T YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND BITCH!!!!" He spat in her face.

With a shocked expression on her face and while wiping the spit off of her face, she crawled out of the bed. _What a fucking idiot!_ Realizing that Hidan would not return the favour, she figured that the perfect revenge would be to leave him tied up on the hotel bed for a cleaning lady to discover.

"Fine.. as you please. I wish I could stay to see the look on the cleaning lady's face when she discovers you here though.." The woman laughed and started picking up the clothes he had succeeded to undress her earlier in the night.

He smiled nervously, still somehow convinced that she'd never leave him there. But as the woman walked towards the door panic filled his whole body and he started to regret spitting in her face. _Shit…_

He should have realized that she had him tied up to the bed before he did something impulsive like that.

"No, please! Don't leave me here! Gome, I didn't mean it!"Hidan cried in vain as the woman had already shut the door. Realizing the hopeless situation he was in, he could now only await the cleaning lady. _Heck, maybe it wont be so bad.._

Being left on a hotel bed only with his thoughts, Hidan tried to analyze the visions he had earlier had. It concerned him that Kakuzu was now even interfering in his mind while he was busy fucking, in order to avoid just that. Even worse.. he had enjoyed feeling Kakuzu's gentle, yet firm touch once again. _It must have been the alcohol… _

_Damn.. I should seriously consider to stop drinking.._

Was Hidan now facing a revelation? Would he now stop drinking as a way of suppressing his memories? Perhaps he now has to find new ways to solve his issues? But no matter what it meant.. the flashbacks he had had, and the way he had reacted to them… it was all a painful awakening to him..

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**I really need some reviews now to see if this story is worth to keep working on. It's my first fan fiction after all, so I don't really know what I'm doing here. My love goes out to whoever gives me a review though! Thanks :)  
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